Thursday, May 5, 2011

big bad wolf

i worry a lot about my kids. i know they are good boys who make smart choices so i don't really worry about that. i worry about the world and the bad things that lurk "out there". i know every parent does, but i suspect i take it too far. i work very hard to keep my fears hidden from the children - the last thing i want is for them to walk through the world with my anxiety on their shoulders - but i don't know if i do a very good job.

i worry when they go to school, when they go to my ex's for the weekend, when they visit grandparents, when i go away for work, when the big one (who is 14 now) babysits the little one on date nights, even when they sleep. i worry that they might get hit by a car, touched by a teacher, kidnapped by a stranger, get lost on the way to the corner store, get hurt while driving the quad, be bullied or picked on, have someone hurt their feelings, run away from home, develop cancer, or die in their sleep. the only time i feel really okay is when they are at home and i can see or hear them. the only time i sleep well is when i can hear the big one snoring and the little one has climbed my bed and i can feel his breath on my cheek.

i think i need to figure this out a little bit. it's all a bit overwhelming.

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